Counseling for Couples & Sex Addiction Recovery in Upland, CA
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Questions to Ask a Sex Addiction Therapist

Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Therapist in Upland, CA

Is sex addiction real or just an excuse for behaving badly?

Sex addiction is definitely real. Some prefer to call in sexual compulsivity or out of control sexual behavior, but in my opinion, this is just semantics. What really matters is the out of control nature and the impact of these behaviors on both the “addict” and others. There is no excuse for bad or hurtful behavior. One of the main goals of sex addiction recovery is taking responsibility for one’s actions. Addiction is never an excuse.


I think I’m a Sex Addict. How can I tell?

For a quick self-assessment about whether your’re a sex addict, check out the Am I a Sex Addict section on my page for Sex & Porn Addicts. You can also complete the Sex Addiction Screening Test here.


How does couples therapy help? Can you help my partner understand what’s wrong with them?

Couples therapy is not about figuring out which partner is in the wrong. Most likely, you both are. Each person often gets stuck in their own perspective and has a hard time really hearing what their partner is saying. Couples counseling gives you communication tools and emotional skills to get out of those bad habits. You’ll be able to get your partner to listen without the drama or distance you’ve gotten used to.


How much does therapy cost?

50 minute sessions are $170 and 90 minute sessions are $300. Couples usually see the best benefit from 90 minute sessions.


Can I use my insurance?

That depends. Many insurance providers and plans offer some form of mental health benefits. There are hundreds of plans out there, so it’s important that you contact your insurance provider and ask about the specific benefits in your plan.

We are an out-of-network provider. This means that you are responsible for the full cost of sessions at the time of service. Every month, you will receive a “superbill” that will allow you to file a claim with your insurance provider. If you are eligible for benefits, you will receive a reimbursement directly from your insurance provider.

If you have an HMO, you will likely be limited to their list of in-network providers if you want to use your insurance. With a PPO, you have the option of using an in-network provider or an out-of-network provider. In either case, you may have a copay or need to meet a deductible before your benefits take effect. You always have the option of going outside your network and simply paying out of pocket, no matter which plan you have.


How many sessions will we need?

It depends. If you’re a sex addict or partner of a sex addict just starting treatment, we’re going to need at least 6 sessions to start seeing movement toward your goals. We’ll use workbooks and exercises to help move you forward as quickly as possible. Sex addiction therapy is a long term process for both the addict and the partner. You’ll see some benefits in the first month or so and long term goals will require a longer commitment to your recovery. We will check in periodically to make sure you’re moving toward your goals.

Couples often need at least 3-4 sessions to start gaining some traction toward their goals. Couples typically wait an average of 6 years of things being bad before they reach out for help. Thankfully, couples counseling can help you see an improvement much faster than that! In order to give your relationship the care it needs, we’ll spend at least 2 sessions getting to know your history, both individually and as a couple. We’ll assess your strengths as well as the places you keep getting stuck. By the third or fourth session, you’ll have specific feedback and recommendations for how to get the relationship you want.

After those first few sessions, the rest depends on you. Problems that are more complex or hard to break through will take more time. Couples who work on their relationship outside of sessions will see progress much faster and will feel more confident to continue their work without a therapist. When you’re ready to move on, we’ll make sure you have plenty of tools in your belt to continue your success!


Will I need a diagnosis?

Possibly. A diagnosis is not required for you to go to counseling. However, if you plan to pursue reimbursement from your insurance provider, you will need a diagnosis. This will become part of your overall medical record. Insurance providers require that mental health treatment meet “medical necessity” in order to be reimbursed. Typically, this includes diagnoses like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and the like. Most clients are experiencing some form of mental health concern and will meet diagnostic criteria for a diagnosis. However, we will not fabricate a diagnosis in order to meet medical necessity.


Can I keep therapy private? What about confidentiality?

Therapy is completely confidential. Therapists are legally and ethically obligated to maintain a client’s confidentiality, with a few exceptions. If you are a danger to yourself or someone else or if we suspect abuse or neglect of a child, elder, or dependent adult, we may be mandated or permitted to break confidentiality. Basically, our role as therapists if to keep things confidential unless there’s an issue of safety involved. We will discuss the limits of confidentiality in our first session as well as in your intake paperwork. If you have any questions, please ask!


What happens when I want to stop therapy? How does counseling end?

The best way to end therapy is to have a conversation about it. My job is to help you achieve your goals. If you feel like you’ve accomplished what you came for, that’s amazing! I will completely celebrate that with you! If you feel like you could work on more, but you just want a break from counseling, that’s okay too! The best thing is to talk it over in a session. We’ll review your progress and make sure you have tools in place for maintaining what you’ve accomplished. We’ll also strategize for possible bumps in the road and how you might handle those situations.

If you feel stuck in therapy and you’re not really getting what you came for, let me know. Sometimes, we just need to pivot and address something different. Or maybe you just don’t feel like we “click” anymore. That’s fine too! I’ll help you find someone who will be awesome at helping you achieve your goals.


How will I know if therapy is working? What should I expect from counseling?

You’re looking for therapy because you want change. And the sooner the better! You’ll know that therapy is working by having a clear goal. We’ll talk about this goal during our consultation call as well as our first session. We’ll develop a plan that will give us a clear idea of what change will look like in your life and relationships. We’ll identify a few key indicators you can look for that will tell you where you are in the process. We’ll assess your progress periodically to make sure you’re on track toward your goals and make adjustments as needed.

Therapy should not be a nebulous experience. You may not be able to articulate exactly what you want your life to look like after therapy, but you should have some idea of what improvement looks like. It’s like seeing a personal trainer at the gym. The plan will be different if you’re training for a marathon than it would be if you’re training for a body building competition. Therapy is the same. We have to know where we’re going so we can know how to get there.


Are you ready to start couples counseling or get help with sex addiction recovery? Do you have more questions about how to start? Schedule a phone consultation today and learn how therapy can help you achieve your goals for a happy relationship!